SELF-SABOTAGE OR LIBERATION?

MAY 21, 2020

Inspired by the documentary The Punk Singer (2013) and Kathleen Hanna's Julie Ruin record, this album was recorded in the closet of my childhood bedroom. The finalization of this album came when the COVID-19 global pandemic hit and stay-at-home orders were issued to the residents of Michigan.

Tracklist

01. Loose

02. Come Down

03. Age

04. Don't Tell Me

05. Casper

06. sinkorswim

Additional Credits:

All songs written by Melanie Mercadante

Guitar, Vocals: Melanie Mercadante

Produced, recorded, mixed and mastered at Closet Recordings Studio, Algonac, MI.

 

The dissection of my brain to find out and see

Just why you have this hold on me

 

Killing brain cells to show you your way out of my head

But they just welcome you back in instead

I think I'd love the way you taste, just know I'm free

Tomorrow is a new day so don't talk to me

What does that say about me to want to be your girl?

Unhinge my jaw to make it easier to curse the world

Time's no excuse, loving you's no use

So I'm gonna have to cut you loose

Please don't call me your girl

Unless you want me to hurl

Unless you want me to stay

I don't want to be replaced

The dissection of my brain to find out and see

Just why you have this hold on me

Killing brain cells to show you your way out of my head

But they just welcome you back in with open arms instead

Time's no excuse, loving you's no use

So I'm gonna have to cut you loose

LYRICS

 

LYRICS

I'm here in the same room

I'm not easy to lose

I've been buried in my mind

Don't worry about me, it's a waste of your time

I'm so paranoid I'll never leave this chair

I wonder what they think if only I could care

My vision of the world is changing

How long will it take for me to come down?

Are you even there at all?

Lost in the paper on the wall

My silence is a shout

I wish that someone would come and pull me out

I see it all for what it is

And that's some scary shit

A time to be alive

But I

I'm so paralyzed my brain just stops and stares

You'll look at me and wonder if it's there

My vision of the world is changing

How long will it take for me to come down, down, down

'Cause I don't feel like I'll ever come down

No I don't feel like I'll ever come down

No i don't feel like I'm ever coming down 

 

LYRICS

Things sure aren't how they're supposed to be

I recognize my demons sitting next to me

And I can feel every one of their energies

And I can feel imma start making enemies

And clarity comes with age

The more you know, the less you say

How are things "supposed to be"

And I put emphasis on supposed to be because

Everybody thinks they're so close to me

Instead they be looking like ghosts to me

And clarity comes with age

The more you know, the less you say

And I hope you grow into, be who you'll be

You're sure to make some enemies

I don't remember the dark clouds over strangers

When did it get dangerous to be who they made us

I won't let my children miss out on the living the young me was given

'Cause the world that we live in and

 

Clarity comes with age

The more you know, the less you say

Clarity comes with age

The more you know, the less you say

Age, age, it is no friend of me

Age, age, it is the enemy

 

I hate what you've become

I don't think that you're the one

Because I'm done

I'm already gone

I hate what you came here for

I don't wanna see you anymore

Because I'm done

I'm already gone

LYRICS

 

LYRICS

There in that smile you wear so well

Not sure enough to tell

I've shut my eyes before, no more

I thought that a walk across the park

Could save you from the dark

There's nothing I can do for you

Casper's calling out your name to me

Ease my mind and keep me company

Casper's doing what you won't for me

Eyes wide open, nothing he don't see

Time to hit the play button, baby make me feel something

I can take you where you wanna go

I can keep it air-tight, tell me if the mood's right

If that's really what you wanna know

Keep me at a distance, needed that consistence

Ain't nobody fucking with my flow

Creepin' after midnight, livin' in the lime-light

Why'd you have to turn into a ghost?

Casper's calling out your name to me

Ease my mind and keep me company

Casper's doing what you won't for me

Eyes wide open, nothing he don't see

 

LYRICS

Hey mom, sorry I don't have that much to say

Seems that I've been letting life get in the way

Didn't ignore your calls, yes I got all of them

This is the time in life, you let the world decide 

If I sink or swim

Hey mom, feeling like I've got half a brain

I love to hear your voice, it's the only thing that keeps me sane

You might see more of me, I'm coming home need a break

Hey mom, don't know how much more of this I can take

I'm going crazy here

I wanna come home, my home

Where everybody knows me

It's cold outside and I'm starting to get lonely

Please listen to the words I'm saying

Don't hang up the phone

Hey mom, sorry I don't have that much to say

Seems that I've been letting life get in the way

Didn't ignore your calls, yes I got all of them

This is the time in life, you let the world decide 

If I sink or swim