SELF SABOTAGE OR LIBERATION?
Released May 21, 2020
Listen on: Spotify | Apple Music | Youtube | Soundcloud
Inspired by the documentary The Punk Singer (2013)
"Girls' bedrooms sometimes can be this space of real creativity. The problem is that these bedrooms are all cut off from each other. I wanted the [Julie Ruin] record to sound like a girl from her bedroom made this record but then didn't just throw it away or it wasn't just in her diary but she took it out and shared it with people."
Written by: Melanie Mercadante ★ Produced, Mixed, Mastered by: Melanie Mercadante ★ Vocals, Guitar, Bass: Melanie Mercadante ★
LOOSE
The dissection of my brain to find out and see
Just why you have this hold on me
Killing brain cells to show you your way out of my head
But they just welcome you back in instead
I think I'd love the way you taste, just know I'm free
Tomorrow is a new day so don't talk to me
What does that say about me to want to be your girl?
Unhinge my jaw to make it easier to curse the world
Time's no excuse, loving you's no use
So I'm gonna have to cut you loose
Please don't call me your girl
Unless you want me to hurl
Unless you want me to stay
I don't want to be replaced
The dissection of my brain to find out and see
Just why you have this hold on me
Killing brain cells to show you your way out of my head
But they just welcome you back in with open arms instead
Time's no excuse, loving you's no use
So I'm gonna have to cut you loose
COME DOWN
I'm here in the same room
I'm not easy to lose
I've been buried in my mind
Don't worry about me, it's a waste of your time
I'm so paranoid I'll never leave this chair
I wonder what they think if only I could care
My vision of the world is changing
How long will it take for me to come down?
Are you even there at all?
Lost in the paper on the wall
My silence is a shout
I wish that someone would come and pull me out
I see it all for what it is
And that's some scary shit
A time to be alive
But I
I'm so paralyzed my brain just stops and stares
You'll look at me and wonder if it's there
My vision of the world is changing
How long will it take for me to come down, down, down
'Cause I don't feel like I'll ever come down
No I don't feel like I'll ever come down
No i don't feel like I'm ever coming down
AGE
Things sure aren't how they're supposed to be
I recognize my demons sitting next to me
And I can feel every one of their energies
And I can feel imma start making enemies
And clarity comes with age
The more you know, the less you say
How are things "supposed to be"
And I put emphasis on supposed to be because
Everybody thinks they're so close to me
Instead they be looking like ghosts to me
And clarity comes with age
The more you know, the less you say
And I hope you grow into, be who you'll be
You're sure to make some enemies
I don't remember the dark clouds over strangers
When did it get dangerous to be who they made us
I won't let my children miss out on the living the young me was given
'Cause the world that we live in and
Clarity comes with age
The more you know, the less you say
Clarity comes with age
The more you know, the less you say
Age, age, it is no friend of me
Age, age, it is the enemy
DON'T TELL ME
I hate what you've become
I don't think that you're the one
Because I'm done
I'm already gone
I hate what you came here for
I don't wanna see you anymore
Because I'm done
I'm already gone
CASPER
There in that smile you wear so well
Not sure enough to tell
I've shut my eyes before, no more
I thought that a walk across the park
Could save you from the dark
There's nothing I can do for you
Casper's calling out your name to me
Ease my mind and keep me company
Casper's doing what you won't for me
Eyes wide open, nothing he don't see
Time to hit the play button, baby make me feel something
I can take you where you wanna go
I can keep it air-tight, tell me if the mood's right
If that's really what you wanna know
Keep me at a distance, needed that consistence
Ain't nobody fucking with my flow
Creepin' after midnight, livin' in the lime-light
Why'd you have to turn into a ghost?
Casper's calling out your name to me
Ease my mind and keep me company
Casper's doing what you won't for me
Eyes wide open, nothing he don't see
SINKORSWIM
Hey mom, sorry I don't have that much to say
Seems that I've been letting life get in the way
Didn't ignore your calls, yes I got all of them
This is the time in life, you let the world decide
If I sink or swim
Hey mom, feeling like I've got half a brain
I love to hear your voice, it's the only thing that keeps me sane
You might see more of me, I'm coming home need a break
Hey mom, don't know how much more of this I can take
I'm going crazy here
I wanna come home, my home
Where everybody knows me
It's cold outside and I'm starting to get lonely
Please listen to the words I'm saying
Don't hang up the phone
Hey mom, sorry I don't have that much to say
Seems that I've been letting life get in the way
Didn't ignore your calls, yes I got all of them
This is the time in life, you let the world decide
If I sink or swim
Self-Sabotage or Liberation Digital Booklet
